Why You Can't Fall Asleep (Or Stay Asleep)

Counting sheep doesn't work—here's what actually does

It's 2 AM. You're lying in bed, eyes wide open, mentally reviewing every awkward interaction you've had since middle school.

Or maybe you fell asleep fine, but now you're awake at 3:47 AM, and your brain has decided this is the perfect time to solve world hunger, plan your entire week, and wonder if you locked the front door.

Welcome to insomnia. Population: too many of us.

Everyone tells you to "just relax" or "stop thinking about it" (thanks, very helpful). They recommend melatonin, chamomile tea, meditation apps, weighted blankets, sleepy-time playlists...

And maybe some of those helped a little. But you're still here, at 2 AM, reading articles about sleep instead of actually sleeping.

Here's the thing: there are different types of insomnia with different root causes. What works for one type makes another type worse.

So let's figure out which type you are.

The Two Main Categories

Type A: Can't Fall Asleep (Onset Insomnia)

You lie down. You're tired. But sleep just... doesn't come.

Your body is tired, but your mind won't shut up. Or your body feels wired even though you're exhausted.

You toss and turn for 1, 2, sometimes 3 hours before finally drifting off. By then it's so late that you'll barely get any sleep before your alarm goes off.

The 2 AM thoughts might include:

• "Did I respond to that email?"
• "What if I never fall asleep? What if I'm awake forever?"
• "I should really learn Spanish."
• "Why did I say that weird thing at the meeting?"
• "I'm going to be so tired tomorrow."
• "Is that noise normal? Should I be concerned about that noise?"

Type B: Can't Stay Asleep (Maintenance Insomnia)

Falling asleep? No problem. You're out in 10 minutes.

But then you wake up at 2 AM, 3 AM, 4 AM... sometimes multiple times. Each time, you lie there wondering if you'll fall back asleep or if your night is over.

Sometimes you do fall back asleep. Sometimes you don't. Either way, your sleep is fragmented, and you wake up feeling like you barely slept at all.

The 3 AM thoughts might include:

• "Why am I awake?"
• "I have to pee. But if I get up, I definitely won't fall back asleep."
• "Is it almost morning? Oh god, it's only 3:14 AM."
• "Maybe if I lie very still and don't move, I'll drift off..."
• "Okay, I'm definitely not falling back asleep. Should I just get up?"
• *Checks phone* "WHY DID I CHECK MY PHONE NOW I'M DEFINITELY AWAKE"

Important distinction: These two types have different root causes. The solution for Type A won't fix Type B, and vice versa.

The Four Root Causes of Insomnia

Traditional medicine identifies four main patterns. Let's break them down:

Pattern 1: The Overthinker (Heart-Spleen Deficiency 心脾兩虛)

Your problem: Your mind literally cannot stop. Thoughts, worries, to-do lists, random memories—it's like your brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

Type: Primarily can't fall asleep (but might also wake during night)

What it feels like:

• You lie down tired, but the moment your head hits the pillow, your brain activates
• Your body wants to sleep, but your mind won't let you
• You worry about things that don't even matter
• You replay conversations, plan tomorrow, solve problems that don't exist
• Even when you do sleep, you dream a lot (exhausting dreams)

Other symptoms:

• Poor memory, difficulty concentrating during the day
• Anxiety, always slightly worried about something
• Fatigue (but wired-tired, not sleepy-tired)
• Poor appetite or digestive issues
• Pale complexion
• Heart palpitations sometimes

Why it happens: In traditional medicine, overthinking and worry deplete your Spleen energy, and your Heart (which houses your mind/spirit) becomes undernourished. When your "spirit" has no proper home, it wanders—hence the racing thoughts.

Common in: People who think for a living, perfectionists, chronic worriers, students, anyone with decision fatigue

Pattern 2: The Hot & Bothered (Yin Deficiency with Heat 陰虛火旺)

Your problem: You're depleted and running on empty, which paradoxically creates a wired, anxious, "false energy" that prevents sleep.

Type: Can't fall asleep + wake up early and can't get back to sleep

What it feels like:

• You're exhausted, but you feel restless and wired
• You toss and turn, can't get comfortable
• You feel warm or hot at night (kick off covers, then get cold)
• Your mind is active, but more anxious/agitated than "thinking"
• Wake up around 4-5 AM and can't fall back asleep

Other symptoms:

• Night sweats (even mild)
• Afternoon/evening heat sensations
• Dry mouth, thirst at night
• Irritable, easily frustrated
• Sometimes ringing in ears
• Lower back ache
• Hands and feet may feel warm

Why it happens: You're depleted (often from chronic stress, overwork, or age). When your body's cooling, calming resources are low, it creates "false heat"—like an engine overheating when the coolant is low. This heat disturbs sleep.

Common in: People in their 40s+, chronic stress/burnout, type-A personalities, women approaching menopause

Pattern 3: The Stress Ball (Liver Energy Blockage 肝鬱化火)

Your problem: Stress and tension have you so wound up that your body physically can't relax enough to sleep.

Type: Can't fall asleep (lying there tense and frustrated)

What it feels like:

• You're tired but wired—body tense, mind racing with frustration
• You're angry or irritable that you can't sleep (which makes it worse)
• Your chest or sides feel tight, like you can't take a full breath
• You replay stressful situations, imaginary arguments, work problems
• Sighing or jaw clenching

Other symptoms:

• Irritability, anger, frustration (especially when trying to sleep)
• Tension headaches
• Tight shoulders, jaw clenching
• Digestive issues (bloating, alternating bowel movements)
• PMS (for women)
• Bitter taste in mouth
• Red eyes or feeling of pressure in head

Why it happens: Chronic stress creates tension in your Liver system (which governs smooth flow of energy). When energy is blocked, it generates heat and pressure. You're literally too tense to relax into sleep.

Common in: High-stress jobs, people who hold emotions in, perfectionists, anyone currently dealing with major stressors

Vicious cycle alert: You can't sleep because you're stressed. Then you get stressed about not sleeping. Which makes you more tense. Which makes sleep harder. Which makes you more frustrated. And so on.

Pattern 4: The 3AM Waker (Heart-Kidney Disconnect 心腎不交)

Your problem: You fall asleep easily but wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. Your body's internal systems aren't communicating properly.

Type: Sleep maintenance insomnia (wake between 1-5 AM)

What it feels like:

• No problem falling asleep—you're out in minutes
• Then BAM, wide awake at 2 or 3 or 4 AM
• Your mind might race a bit, or you might just lie there alert for no reason
• Sometimes you need to pee (even if you didn't drink that much water)
• Sometimes heart pounding or feeling anxious for no clear reason

Other symptoms:

• Anxiety or palpitations at night
• Lower back weakness or soreness
• Frequent urination at night
• Dizziness sometimes
• Poor memory
• Tinnitus (ringing in ears)
• Feeling both wired and tired

Why it happens: In traditional medicine, your Heart (fire, upward) and Kidney (water, downward) need to communicate and balance each other. When they're disconnected, your Heart fire stays up (wakes you up), and your Kidney water can't calm it down. Often related to aging or chronic depletion.

Common in: People over 40, chronic stress/depletion, those with anxiety, people who've been burning the candle at both ends for years

Which Pattern Are You?

Use these checklists (and be honest—your 3AM self knows the truth):

Why Generic Sleep Advice Doesn't Work

Everyone tells you:

• "Just relax" (OH REALLY? HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT)
• "Stop looking at screens" (you've tried, you still can't sleep)
• "Try melatonin" (works for some people, does nothing for others)
• "Meditate" (great advice, but doesn't address root cause)
• "Keep a sleep schedule" (hard to do when you're awake at 3 AM)

Here's why this advice often fails:

If you're an Overthinker: Meditation might help a bit, but your Spleen-Heart deficiency is the real issue. Your mind won't stop because it has no stable home.

If you're Hot & Bothered: Relaxation won't work because you're depleted and overheating. You need to cool down and rebuild reserves, not just "calm down."

If you're a Stress Ball: "Just relax" is like telling someone with a clenched fist to "just uncurl your fingers" while ignoring the tension causing the clench.

If you're a 3AM Waker: No amount of sleep hygiene fixes the Heart-Kidney disconnect. You need to restore internal communication.

One size does NOT fit all.

What Actually Works

Now that you know your pattern, Part 2 will cover:

• Specific herbs for each pattern (yes, different herbs for different types)
• Foods and drinks that actually help (and which ones make it worse)
• Lifestyle changes that work for YOUR type
• Why sleeping pills don't fix the root problem (and what does)

One More Thing: Mixed Patterns

Many people are combinations. Common mixes:

Overthinker + Hot & Bothered: Racing thoughts + feeling wired and warm

Stress Ball + 3AM Waker: Tense at bedtime + wake up in middle of night

Overthinker + 3AM Waker: Thoughts at bedtime + wake up thinking again

If you checked boxes in multiple categories, you're not broken—you just have a more complex pattern that needs a more nuanced approach.

Next in this series: Part 2 - Sleep Solutions That Actually Work (specific herbs, foods, and strategies for each pattern—no more "just relax" advice)